The Story of Robert: 70 and Ready to Fight

The following is shared with the permission of Robert:

This past weekend I flew out to Newport Beach, California to help staff the Everyman's Battle Conference for New Life ministries. Once I arrived I was given the names of the 7 men that I would be leading over the next 3 days. Robert didn't stand out to me at that point, but by the end of the weekend I would never forget him.

As the men gathered in my hotel room for the first session I was a little nervous as Robert entered the room. He was obviously older than the others, and deep down inside I had bought into the lie that "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." I could already imagine him questioning me, and wondering if this 36 year old "kid" had anything to offer him.

It didn't take long to see his heart and realize that I had completely misjudged this man. He shared his story, and for the first time shed tears for a father that kept him at arms length from childhood until his death. Clearly this was a man who was eager to connect with others, and had a genuine desire to change.

The most powerful moment came midway through the second day of the conference. Sitting in a circle on the sixth floor of the Radisson Robert declared "I want to get control of my addiction before I die." Now some other men might have said those words in a joking manner. Meaning they wanted to see victory sooner rather than later. But Robert literally meant he wanted to finish the race strong. He wasn't afraid to admit that at 70 time is precious and running short. His body and the 4 funerals he had attended in the last few months were reminders that time is fleeting.

It wasn't until later that day that Robert's words caught up with me. Once they did I found myself deeply moved by a man who had decided that he was going out with his boots on! More than that he had also shared his desire to help other men his age dealing with the same issues of sexual addiction.

So at 70 years old Robert left the conference not only intent on fighting for his own heart, but also fighting for the hearts of others. I walked away marveling at what I get to see God do, and realizing that He never counts anyone out.

Every Man's Battle - Dallas

Part of the work I get to do involves staffing conferences for a counseling organization called New Life Ministries. One of the resources they offer is called the Every Man's Battle conference. This is a 3 day conference for men who struggle with sexual addiction and have had extra-martial affairs. The goal is to help these men move away from destructive ways of living, and become a man who can love his wife and family well.

Two weeks ago I staffed a conference in Dallas. I had the privilege of leading a group of 8 men for the entire weekend. In the beginning they treated each other as strangers, and by the end of the conference they were encouraging and challenging one another to a different way of living. For some this was the first time they had shared their struggles with another person.

At the end of the conference one married man (not in my group) confessed that when he first arrived in Dallas he set up a rendezvous with an old girlfriend. During the program he became so convicted about how he had been living that he called his close friends, confessed his actions, and canceled the meeting. He went home with a renewed desire to repair his marriage.

Another victory!

New Focus

Blogging has always been difficult for me. I've never had a real interest at this stage in life to wax eloquent about different topics. That's probably why I have rarely blogged in the past. With that in mind I have decided to change the focus of my blog. Instead of commentary on life, I want to share what I am seeing God do everyday. Being a counselor often feels like being a battlefield medic. I enter into many messy situations, and see a great deal of pain. I also get to see God come through in some amazing ways, and I want others to know about it!

Powerlessness and Anger

Just some quick thoughts about powerlessness and anger. Today was one of those days when nothing went right. Phone died, clients canceling because of bad weather, and so on, and so on. Only for a few moments today did I feel like I had any control over my day. today was also a day that I found my self struggling with intense anger. Why is it that when we feel powerless we get angry. I think the main reason is that it's scary when we are faced with the fact that we don't have as much control over our lives as we thought. This is especially true when we've had experiences early on in life where we felt out of control, or trapped in a situation. Though we might feel fear, anger is a much safer place. There is no sense of vulnerability in being angry.

Portrait of Leadership

I am sitting here in my office at home grieving over a man I never knew. His name is Dick Winters, and he was the commander of Easy Company. They were the WWII paratroopers of the 101st airborne made famous by the series Band of Brothers. He died last week in central Pennsylvania at the age of 92.

Watching the Band of Brothers series and its companion documentary it was clear that Dick Winters was a MAN deserving of all caps. While all of this was fresh I wanted to capture just a few of the characteristics that I admired about him.

First, he cared deeply for those in his charge. He was always concerned with their needs and well being before his own. He never saw those in his command as a means to make himself look good. Rather, he saw them as something valuable that was entrusted to him. He SERVED his men.

Second, he was a cunning warrior with a heart. His steady hand in battle and patience won the day on more than a few occasions. Yet, when you watch the documentary interview with him about the end of the war he weeps. He weeps for those who were lost, for the pain of war, and for the men that stood beside him in the trenches.

Finally, he was flat out brave. In one scene from Band of Brothers he hears a whistle and charges so far in front of his men that he is essentially alone on the battlefield. He also made hard decisions because they were right, not because they felt good or were popular.

So, I am still sitting here with that pit in my stomach. Not because I will miss him...I never knew him. But when a man like that passes you feel the depth of the space he leaves in his absence.

My God what a man.